David, a 38-year-old white male who looks like a holdover from the 60’s complete with goatee and a long silver mane in a ponytail, says he been in and out of these rooms for 15 years. He is twice divorced and currently engaged. He is proud to say he takes loving care of his children since being released 8 years ago from prison for a 4-year DUI Vehicular Homicide sentence. He has a decent job these days and is a good employee when he’s not calling in sick (drunk). In his In These Rooms’ share, David said “… I use to boldly declare what I wouldn’t do, not even for A Million Bucks. But hell, look at me. I’ve fucked my life up for a couple of drinks…” Damn, I thought; that’s some sick fucking shit. I thought, ‘this is a level of powerlessness that is beyond me. ‘
“…Yea, there are things I thought I wouldn’t do for A Million Bucks, but I’ve done shit I never imagined for much less. Being molested, that shit wasn’t my fault. But, staying in a relationship with my molester for money and material gain. That’s my shit. That’s about my shame and feeling unworthy and unloved. I get it now down to the marrow in my bones…”
Yalie
“…What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but forfeit his soul?”
Mark 8:36
Then, Victor, a 29-year-old Hispanic male meth dealer and alcoholic out on bond and facing third strike life imprisonment for possession with intent to distribute 110pds of meth, laid this question on the table In These Rooms: “…Hell, what would you do if you hit the next Powerball Lottery for like $412,855,342.00? I wanted to speak up and say in the words of the late African American Poet Laureate Maya Angelou, “…I wouldn’t take anything for my journey now…”
“…Fuck that shit. That kinda cheese can heal a whole lotta damn wounds. Fuck benefiting from the shit of my past. With that kinda cheese, I can fucking change my history and my future. Besides, I got scores to settle, there’s motherfuckers I want to take out, and that kinda bank can me make me the most dangerous black man in America. I know all them fools who say money don’t buy happiness and you can’t take it with you, but it can get my ass real close, and I’ll drag that damn bank as close to the fucking grave as I can get it…”
Fr. Esteban
A Million Bucks or 400 Million, fact of matter is money is a magnifier. It is often said money changes people. But it doesn’t. Whatever I am without money, I gonna be a whole lot more of that same shit with it. It only reveals and magnifies who the fuck we’ve been all along.
“…There is a saying In These Rooms we are as sick as our secrets. What have I made of myself? Who am I when nobody is watching? Do give I into my predilections to pornography, drinking, infidelity? Am I honest with not only others but myself? Feeling powerless is common to the human experience. What have I done because I felt powerless and wanted to be powerful? That’s my shit. The late legendary attorney Johnnie Cochran once said ‘we are doomed to repeat that which we don’t complete’…”
Hunter
What wouldn’t I do for A Million Bucks? A Million Bucks or 400 million. Hell, I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do. I don’t have either one yet and I have done so much for less. I can still taste that powerlessness in the back of my throat.
I’m learning daily who the fuck I am and what I’m capable of. For getting here on the journey, I can tell you I am eternally grateful.
Read more about Yalie, Fr. Esteban and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #AMillionBucksMatters
The Struggle Continues….
