Brian is a 35-year-old minister. He shared In These Rooms he has been in and out of these rooms for the past 10 years. He said he’s usually brought back in rooms after getting another DWI or when ordered by the court. He’s had four in the last 10 years. Brian’s doctors told him he would be dead in less than a year if he didn’t stop drinking. Did it make him stop? Nope. He reasoned “…You gotta die from something. I ain’t quitting. I’ll just up my life insurance to make sure my family is cared for and get on with living my bucket list. I told my wife you can get you a young tenderony when I’m gone…”
Brian is to be commended for his willingness to get real and share with this room full of strangers his authentic lived truth right down to the tenderoni for his wife after he’s gone. I also give him credit for his willingness to look death in the face and refuse to blink. It occurs to me while his Bucket List might be compromised because of his drinking, Brian is on point that we all will go (die) from something and, breaking news, no one is getting out alive. He also seems to be at some modicum of peace with his past. Can the same be said for us?
“…I get Bucket Lists. My Bucket List is about being truly happy. My Bucket List is about my ass doing and being what my Higher Power wants me to do and be. My Bucket List is about living my best life, realizing my Higher Power is everything and everywhere and has a great damn since of humor…”
Yalie
“…My Bucket List. This shit is simple. Get rich or die tryin. What else is there, really? I don’t intend to leave this earth without makin my mark. This shit takes money. Like Sean Anderson once told me, “…No money no mission…” The Benjamins are at the top of my Bucket List baby. Keeping it 100…”
Fr. Esteban
“…My Bucket List is why I want to wake up in the morning. My Bucket List is what I want to feel good about when I lay my head down at night. My Bucket List is my legacy. My Bucket List is what it meant for me to be on this earth. I cherish my Bucket List and what it means I did with a life of opportunities to make a difference and be of service to others…”
The Professor
I said Brian was to be commended for getting real about his authentic lived truth. Step 5 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “… admitted to a Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs…”
Brian did this thru his share this morning. But the Bucket List he speaks of occurs to me as the Bucket List from Hell. I define a Bucket List from Hell as what matters to us without the experience of a Higher Power that can “…restore us to sanity…” thru prayer, meditation and our improved conscious contact with Him. A Bucket List from Hell gives us a mere glimpse of the good shit God has for us who “…love Him and are called according to His Purposes. I get where Brian is coming from. I used to live in the graveyard, was afraid of death, called this life and thought I was living. I thought my little hustles and episodic pleasures where living. I was existing.
I said Brian was on point that none of us is getting out of here alive. This is an indisputable fact but not the fact of the matters.
While it’s true we have no control over when it’ll be our time to go, where we’ll be when it’s our time to go, how a manner of death will take us or what will officially be determined as our cause of death, we have the power of choice. While it’s true we have no control over any of this, we do have control and the power of choice over the Why of our living and dying. It’s said if God woke us up this morning, it’s because he’s not finished with us here yet and has a purpose for us being here. The question I would pose to Brian is “…do you know what that fucking purpose is? Is any of the shit connected to the purpose for which He woke your ass up this morning on your Bucket List? That shit matters. That shit is important. That’s Why He woke both of our asses up one more time.
You want a Bucket List, Brian? You want a Bucket List that matters and is worth dying for? You want a Bucket List with some purpose? Drop the focus on upping life insurance and tenderonies. Focus on what your family needs more than money and what your wife needs more than younger sexual partners. They need you.
Your children need a father and your wife needs a husband and a partner. They both need you to be present like you’ve probably never been present before for whatever days, hours or minutes you’ve got left on this fucking earth. From your sharing this morning. you’ve obviously got Step 5 of the Big Book In These Rooms down. What about the other 11 Steps? How about working them? What about a Bucket List of applying the lessons from these steps one day at a time for best interest of your family? How about a Bucket List that shares with world not just the authentic lived truth you shared this morning but also the radically vulnerable story of the journey that has brought you to death’s door? That might be a Bucket List that benefits you and others. What about the blessings of that type of Bucket List for a lost world, Brian? Since none of us is getting out alive, why not do something meaningful and impactful on the way out? How about a Bucket List of in-spite of shit from the past that is meaningful, impactful and will make a difference in this world if only one day at a time? How about that for a Bucket List, Brian?
Read more about Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #BucketListsMatters
