Terry is 31-year-old Native American. He was released from the county jail 2 days ago after doing 8 months for receiving his second DWI and tragically hitting and paralyzing a lady in a cross walk. He must also serve five years’ probation and 18 months under house arrest. He is married with two young sons ages 5 and 6. His wife is a nurse who’s also a heavy drinker. He said In These Rooms “…I believe the judge let me off on probation and house arrest because I own and run a construction company and because of my small boys. I drink because of the pressure to hold it all together. I drink because most of the time it gives me an edge. I got a lot on me. It’s tough in my business and I’m barely staying afloat. I gotta make it and I need every edge I can get. I just can get over the fear I can’t do it without drinking…”
Terry’s problem might be understood as fear of people and/or economic Insecurity. He has the weight of his family and business if not the world on his shoulders. Terry’s sharing suggests he doesn’t feel adequately supported. He seeks in the bottle the assistance he isn’t getting from other people, places and things. He doesn’t want to drink but needs something he ain’t getting elsewhere. I heard this old preacher say onetime “…every man who knocks on the door of the house of ill repute is looking for God…” I would extend this to picking up a bottle beyond casual or social drinking. Listening to Terry share, I don’t hear an acholic. I hear the voice of a man who’s looking for God.
“…I know firsthand about doing shit because of feelings or fears of economic insecurity. This might be as they say, the story of my life. I’ve made decision after decision because of these fears and feelings over the years. I married my ex-wife because of these feelings and fears. On our wedding night, I was sick to my stomach and didn’t consummate marriage for a week. I knew I just made the mistake of my life because of fear and feelings of possible economic insecurity. Yeah, I know about this making decisions shit and in it failing to trust God…”
Hunter
Step 11 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “… Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out…”
I stated, in listening to Terry share, I don’t hear an acholic. I hear the voice of a man who’s looking for God. The good news is Terry might find that, in owing his struggle, he has something of benefit to himself and others. This struggle ain’t just some effort to get sober or achieve some damn sobriety as important as that is. This struggle is deeper than that shit. This struggle is to live the life for which God created us. This struggle is about being all we can be and then some. This struggle is to keep it moving when you’re going thru hell. This struggle is to see His transformation of our wrecked lives for His Glory and the empowering benefit for those coming behind us. This struggle is getting home the best fucking way we know how. There is no security in this struggle. We all experience Insecurity in this struggle. If you don’t experience some Insecurity in the struggle to get home the best fucking way you know how, you don’t just need to stop drinking, get sober and achieve sobriety you need your fucking head examined.
Message to Terry. You might find your struggle will dissipate from seeking a Higher Power instead of mere self-reliance in this situation. You may find the willingness to share your story, experience, strength and hope, like you did this morning, with others in your learning to trust in a Higher Power. But Terry, Don’t get it twisted,
“…We live in a material world. I’m down with my Man hunter. On this side of eternity, all of us better have some concerns about economic security or yeah it’s fuckin time to have your damn head examined…”
Fr. Esteban
You ain’t alone Terry. You ain’t alone. The other news is nor are you out of the woods. At least not today. It’s Christmas, so have hope and keep the faith. But Insecurity is the name of the game on this side of eternity, Terry. When you’re going thru hell Bro, fears and feelings of economic Insecurity and all, remember to keep it moving. Don’t let feelings and fears of Insecurity take you out, Man. Not to today or any other day. Keep in moving, seeking and trusting in A Higher Power. Merry Christmas.
Read more about, Fr. Esteban and Hunter, and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #InsecurityMatters
