Last blog we met Shane, who is a 31-year-old railroad conductor. He is married and they have a 5-year-old son who has Downs Syndrome. He says his wife is also an alcoholic but she won’t come In These Rooms. Last month, she received her 4th DWI in the last 18 months. She is due back in court in the next ninety days. Their attorney says she may be looking at 2 years. Her spitting on the arresting police officer and having an Assaulting an Officer of the Law charge added to the situation doesn’t help anything. “…I know she drinks because of the stress and work of our son’s condition. When she isn’t drinking, she’s a good woman and mother. When it comes to what the future holds for us, I’m constantly trying to remember who she really is. This is when I remember we are not the God of who we are…”
I shared with Shane last blog “…Remembering When don’t end on this side of the Mighty Jordan. But Bro you gotta get outta your head. Your future has a lot of shit in it straight up. But Bro, since you definitely got some shit to go thru, you can choose to play the star and leading role in leading your family thru this drama…” I’m still thinking about Shane’s words and the subject Remembering When
“…What matters in life is not what happens to you, but how you remember and how you tell it…”
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
“…I fight to remember that what matters ain’t the darkest shit that is a part of my past. I struggle to remember the past ain’t all of me or my story. I work to remember my demons and inner characters ain’t the problem; they are a part of who I am. I’ve learned whatever I am to become will be a product of what I make of the demons and inner characters that are who I am. I laugh and think it’s crazy as hell that who I am and will become is linked to the characters and the shit that is part of the past I struggle to keep from devouring me. I think it’s crazy as shit and a real joy that I can turn the shit I thought I would always regret into something meaningful and even hilarious. I think it’s crazy and awesome that now, that shit is funny…”
Yalie
“…I think the practice of defining what matters from the most empowering perspective is one of my greatest character assets. I call this the practice of seeing the glass as half full until it is proven otherwise. Is this an overly optimistic approach to life? I think not. I consider it highly intelligent and logical to err in my calculations on life and what matters on the side of that which is of and has the greatest upside. I choose to live life on life’s terms with the best opportunity to maximize every possibility to be most successful. Seeing life the other way, I think this too is a 50-50 proposition. I prefer to push my proverbial life chips to the middle of table every time and anticipate, expect and of course hope for the most empowering and powerful outcome of life that is humanly possible. This is the best way to live my life: remember what matters and share and tell my story…”
The Professor
“…I remember what I remember. Yes, I want to remember everything I can about the past. I can’t; I won’t. I remember what I can and try and put the most empowering and powerful spin on things that I can. Sometimes this is the truth. But that’s me. My characters and demons have their own deal. There lies the rub. My character and demons may tell a different story. They may have a different authentic lived truth. They may be deluded, or in denial, or deceitful. Does this perspective make me a liar? Hell no. What this truth means is that I’m radically vulnerable. This means authentic lived truth when you have demons or characters is living life as a one day at a time journey…”
Hunter
I believe a key to how we tell our stories is a subject l learned In These Rooms called “Family of Origin Work.” I ain’t no therapist so I approach this subject on my own terms. Family of Origin Work occurs to me as the movement from Success to Fulfillment, The Haunting to the Presence and Remembering When to Reappropriated Memories. This repurposing of the shit from my past I believe requires outing and dealing with my inner characters or what some call my demons. I heard guy say In These Rooms “…They told me to find my Inner Child. So I found him. That fucker bit me…” Repurposing the shit from my past in an empowering way of talking about the shit that has haunted me and caused my life to spiral to unfathomable depths. This is a direct result of my doing this so-called Family of Origin Work of dealing with my damn inner characters or demons. This shit is me. It was me yesterday, it’s me today and it’ll be me tomorrow. My inner characters or demons are with me, mine and as some say, “from the womb to the tomb.” I consider this shit I’m describing Family of Origin Work because the reason our families can push our buttons is because they helped install them.
This other Cat In These Rooms stated he was doing Step 9 work from the Big Book, “…made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others…,” and was making amends to his family when his family said “…we don’t want to hear about all the bad shit you’ve done…” I contend they don’t want to hear the bad stuff we’ve done because they don’t want to address their complicity. But I digress. I’m not getting to the heart of what matters in life without addressing what I remember. I’m not able to repurpose what I remember and tell it in an empowering way without doing Family or Origin Work. I’m not doing Family of Origin Work that can move me from Success to Fulfillment, the Haunting to the Presence or Remembering When to Reappropriated Memories without owning my inner characters and my demons. I’ll eat my own dog food here and apply to myself what I recommended to Shane in Remembering When blog 1. “…Thru for y’all is the way out. Real talk. Why not choose in leading your family thru this shit to do that which is heroic for your family situation instead of that same old Remembering When of all the negative shit? What the fuck you got to lose but a whole lot of worry about shit that’s beyond your control? No, this type of Remembering When ain’t logical. But it can be grace filled. Whatta you got to lose Bro? Just saying, why not change your Remembering When?” I believe I have a hell of a lot to lose if I don’t choose this type of Remembering When and do that which is Heroic and leaves me radically vulnerable. This type of Remembering When, choosing to do what is Heroic, starts with and ain’t fucking happening until I’m dealing with my my inner characters, my demons and yes, my Family of Origin Work. This is not just my story. This is also the authentic truth I’m living and I’m sticking to it.
Read more about, Yalie, the Professor and Hunter, and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #Rembering WhenMatters
The Struggle Continues….
