“…Pray for me don’t play with me. I’m from the Southside of the Kingdom…”
Rosie from In These Rooms
These words were part of Rosie’s share In These Rooms. Rosie is an alcoholic 38-year-old Hispanic woman who did 13 years in the joint for drug dealing and other criminal activities. Her greatest desire is to overcome her past, the years lost dealing and using drugs and not giving a shit and, most importantly, to “…become a lady instead of this thug…” Or, I would add, Rosie just wants to see herself as more than a flawed worthless ex-con from the hood.
“…Raised in the predominantly white neighborhoods on the so-called better damn side of town, the kids called me nigger so much I thought that shit it was my middle name. I ran with other privileged white and black youth who did the same shit: drugs, theft, sex. I grew up feeling insecure, with a debilitating sense of unworthiness just as any kid from the hood might despite the privileged neighborhood. Fuck it, you name it and I did it, often escaping the consequences of my actions, because my people had connections and resources, or so I thought. I am here to tell you the grass ain’t any fucking greener on the north, west, east or south sides of town. What matters is who is or ain’t there to fuck it up…”
Fr. Esteban
I was taking a first semester ethics course at the Yale Divinity School. In a conversation with the Professor, I expressed my calling to ministry was a way to make amends for my past transgressions. I thought for years the weight I labored under was caused by my past sins. Like Rosie who feels deeply flawed and ashamed of where she is from, what she has been and done, I was ashamed of where I was from and my past. I had yet to embrace the gifts of my past or my faults. Like Rosie, I didn’t know anything about being a badass who’s becoming more fully human and beautiful.
Yalie
“…Don’t judge a man by his accomplishments; judge him by how high he’s had to climb…”
Booker T. Washington
Today, I’m growing as a badass from the Southside of The Kingdom. I can see myself for who and what I am:
“…We are all fallen, flawed and fallible. We all have our demons. We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Most of us sit down to shit and we all have gangster proclivities. No one is better than anyone else for everybody has some shit going on and the ground is level at the foot of the cross. We are all trying to get home the best fucking way we know how…”
Hunter
Pray for me too. I’m not yet what I’m going to be but I’m more than I used to be. I’m learning to forgive, live with and love my better self. I’m a work in progress but I’m glad I’ve found the strength to do this work.
I know my Higher Power can “…make a straight lick with this crooked stick…” Because of that, I’m proud to be a badass becoming more beautiful. I’m proud to also be from the Southside of The Kingdom.
Read more about Fr. Esteban, Yalie, and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #KingdomSouthsideMatters
The Struggle Continues…
