Mike is a 34-year-old biker, restaurant owner, former drug dealer and alcoholic. He came In These Rooms for the first time this morning. He confessed he has a problem with drinking. He has been arrested three times for DWI in the last two years. He is awaiting sentencing on the last charge and entered the room today under court order. He is married with three children, all under the age of 12, and his youngest daughter is 8 and has a rare form of cancer and needs a kidney transplant. The restaurant is about to go under after plowing thru a $150K family loan for the business. He is facing 28 months in the County for his last DWI and his wife has vowed to “…leave me and make sure I never see my children again if I doesn’t do something about this shit and go inside. My life is covered in the shit of my making. I feel like I’m going under. Yea, I think as y’all say “…my ass is on fire…”
Mike’s feeling his ass is on fire is how it feels when one comes to the realization the shit of their life is exposed or uncovered. This Priest I knew shared the story of an exchange he had with his boss about his management style. He said his boss called him in his office and said to him “…Harold you’re a talented guy and you obviously want to go places. But you got to learn how to cover your ass…” Success in life might be defined as learning how to cover your ass. If covering one’s ass is important, that begs the question, what does one use for The Covering?
“…I’m overwhelmed by this place and how inadequate I feel compared to the other students here and what they have and where they’re from. I’m not in Kansas anymore. This is not N.C. A&T State University anymore. I doubt who I am sometimes and whether I can make it here. I feel overwhelmed by academic deficiencies …” This was my being uncovered and exposed. This was the state of mind and emotional bondage I was in, and feeling that uncovered and exposed made me susceptible to sexual molestation.
Yalie
“…Finishing college Summa Cum Laude and acquiring a Master of Divinity Degree from Yale, I have the credentials and pedigree to go anywhere in the world and become whatever I wish to become. My academic credentials are certainly a form of covering for me. More importantly, I believe my understanding of the ways of a Higher Power and my commitment to make of this world a better place is the greater covering in which I place my faith and my knowledge of what is necessary for truth telling and witness bearing…“
The Professor
“…G’tting’ mine by any means necessary, that’s my damn coverin. Doin’ what needs doin’ to make shit happen, that’s my coverin. Yea, I’m washed in the blood but I’m also capitalist to da bone. Y’all in those rooms talk about progress not perfection. I ain’t concerned about progress nor perfection. It’s about the shit that gets me paid. I reduce coverin’ my ass to three words—Cut the Check (baby)…”
Fr. Esteban
“…I have learned trusting in my Higher Power and sharing my authentic lived truth is all The Covering I need in this world. This is my understanding. The problem is the world doesn’t give a damn about my understanding. I have the challenge of dealing with the craziness of a world where the lack of authenticity is job one. Yes, I have covering but I live in a world where being uncovered or exposed, sharing authentic lived truth or being radically vulnerable, is the kiss of death. Go figure…”
Hunter
Step 11 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “… sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out…”
Until I came to understand the shit of my past as The Covering for what God has purposed for my life, I didn’t feel good about my past or what I’ve been thru. Until I understood my past this way, I didn’t think there was any value in doing Family of Origin Work, sharing my authentic lived truth or becoming radically vulnerable. I didn’t want or know how to love myself. I didn’t have a clue to the power of being present to myself. I didn’t know there was strength to be found in embracing my personal experience, strength and hope.
“…Until the Lion learns to write, we will always glorify the hunter…”
African Proverb
Until I came to understand The Covering was to be found in telling the story of the shit that has crushed me, I was anything and everything but a Lion. I was a coward all dressed up and going nowhere fast. I was asked by my AA Sponsor Dr. JJ recently what happened to bring me to this understanding? I answered “…realizing I couldn’t fall off the floor…” That was partiality accurate. More importantly and to the point, I came to the realization the damn dumpster fire I was calling a life was me living in the graveyard of life and being afraid of death. How bat damn crazy is that shit?
Message to Mike: it’s said In These Rooms “…the good news is there’s a solution. The bad news is we’re it…” Speaking of one’s ass being on fire, the good news is there’s hope for the dumpster fire you’re calling a life right now. The bad news is it’s to be found in the courageous sharing and storytelling you did this morning. The bad news is that in this dumpster fire you’re calling a life is your Covering. The good news is the sharing and storytelling you did this morning is your Lion beginning to write. The good news is when you shared this morning you were no longer glorifying the hunters in your life. When you have the courage to share your authentic lived truth and get radically vulnerable, you’re putting out that fire on your ass and in that dumpster you call a life. Sharing and storytelling, this is you embracing The Covering. The Covering is cool; it can be empowering and even transformational. The Covering can be a repurposing of the past and reappropriating of our old and forgotten memories. The Covering is the ultimate Covering of our ass and liberating of our Spirit.Read more about, Yalie, the Professor, Fr. Esteban and Hunter, and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #TheCoveringMatters
