Author: Fr. Steven S. Kirk, M.Div

I used to do stewardship consulting for churches and religious institutions. I told others that to get the most out of life they should write their obituaries and then live them. I told people I believed we could write our obituary, live it and then step over to the other side of whatever the other side is when the damn time comes. I never wrote mine. I wasn’t eating my own dog food and I was the worse for it.

“…I think about the end but I have not found the energy to put pen to paper regarding this vision. I am not sure if this is about energy or fear but I do not believe my living today is in vain. God help me, I will and can do more. This is I know. For this, I trust Him…”

the Professor

“…When I think about the end of my life today, I am just glad I am no longer in bondage to the material things alone. I know how shallow and empty my life was. I’m not there any longer. For that, I thank my Higher Power. I want to give back and be a person who makes a difference. I want to leave my mark on this world…” 

Sean Anderson

“…I am glad I have found the power in tolerance and love as I think about the end of my life. I’m a better person today. I want to be an even better person as I contemplate the end. I’m working on it. I hope to get there. What is it they say? One day at a time…”

X

Talking further with Dr. Flo about this subject, I went on to say I have no regrets today. I feel and believe everything that has happened to me in my life is to give me a WHY to pass on, to leave behind. 

“…I survived being molested so that I can share with world we are as sick as our secrets. The things I swore I would take to my grave I now find power in sharing openly. I find not only power in sharing this shit, I have also found the power in laughter…” 

Yalie

“…I survived jails and run-ins with the law. I can thank whatever God there is for keeping my blackass out of jail. My message is if you get jammed up your ass better have the fuckin money for a damn good attorney or your ass will be doing time. I promise you…” 

Esteban

“…I survived a recent fall with only two badly sprained wrists so I can continue to Pass on my WHY of finally knowing WHY the fuck I am here. I survived all the shit of the past for what? For the Passing on WHY of leaving something behind…” 

Hunter

Promise 9 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…our whole attitude and outlook on life will change…” In understanding Passing on WHY, I’m not just witnessing transformation, mine and others. In understanding Passing on WHY, I have a front row seat to celebrate a culture reborn. With a Passing on WHY focus, I have a front row seat to the rebirth of a culture that cares about something that truly matters and is about making a difference in this world:

“…We are all fallen, flawed and fallible. We all have our demons. We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Most of us sit down to shit and we all have gangster proclivities. 

No one is better than anyone else for everybody has some shit going on and the ground is level at the foot of the cross. We are all trying to get home the best fucking way we know how…”–Hunter

My hero Samuel Jackson says we Pass on WHY best by “…kicking some ass, getting the girl and being dope while you’re doing it…”

The Big Book In These Rooms would say we Pass on WHY best by sharing our experience, strength and hope and trusting God, cleaning house and helping others. 

All this shit is cool. But sitting in my front row seat to Passing on WHY and a culture reborn, I’m focused on sharing the message of badass personal maturation thru character evolution. I’m focused on sharing the message of the power in being a badass becoming more fully human and beautiful. This is Passing on my WHY story. Until they put my black ass in the ground, I’m leaving behind and Passing on this WHY. This is my story and I’m sticking the fuck to it.

Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #PassingONWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….

“…If I gave you $500,000 right now, what would you do with it? Anything different than you’re doing right now?” 

Dr. Flo from In These Rooms

My answer was “…money is only an accelerant in my life now…” If you give me a cool million, I’m sure as hell taking it. But it won’t change a damn thing. Money can’t and doesn’t make me anymore. Been there, done that shit and have the scars to prove it. I’m about Passing on my WHY today and no amount of money or the lack of money can or will change that. You can take that shit to the bank. 

I write this because I’m committed with every fiber of my being to Passing on my WHY. As the song below says, “Leaving Something Behind.”

I cannot say that I know you well

But you can’t lie to me with all these books that you sell
I’m not trying to follow you to the end of the world
I’m just trying to leave something behind

Words have come from men and mouse
Oh, but I can’t help thinking that I have heard the wrong crowd
When all the water is gone my job will be too
So I’m trying to leave something behind

Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh, the future ahead is broken and red
And I’m trying to leave something behind

This whole world is a foreign land
We swallow the moon, but we do not know our own hand
Oh, we’re running with the case, but we ain’t got the gold
Yet we’re trying to leave something behind

My friends, I belive we are at the wrong fight
And I cannot read what I did not write
I’ve been to his house, but the master is gone
Yet we’re trying to leave something behind

Now there is a beast who has taken my brain
You can put me to bed, but you can’t feel my pain
When the machine has taken the soul from the man
It’s time to leave something behind

Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh, the future ahead is already dead
And it’s time to leave something behind

Now, I’ve got this feeling that I’m still at the shore
And pockets don’t know what it means to be poor
I can get through the wall if you give me a door
So I can leave something behind

Oh, wisdom is lost in the trees somewhere
Oh, you’re not gonna find it in some mental gray hair
It’s locked up from those who hurry ahead
And it’s time to leave something behind

Oh, money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
When my son is a man, he will know what I meant

When I was just trying to leave something behind
And I’m trying to leave something behind

Songwriters: Sean Rowe

As my sponsor Dr. JJ is known to say, More to Come…

Read more about Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #PassingOnWHYMatters 

“…This was a good blog but I think you raised another very important question. Can we have and possibly share gratitude during life’s storms?” 

Lucy from In These Rooms

Possibly, when we know who we are. The better or deeper question, Lucy, is: What is the storm showing me about who I am, who I’ve been and where I am on this journey called life? Problems, pain, struggles, conflict, trouble, the shit we suffer from and the adversity we struggle with, all this comes to introduce us to ourselves. What people In These Rooms describe as “character defects…” are the difficulties we have in accepting that our struggles are designed to teach us and show us about ourselves and who we are. 

I hear people In These Rooms say “…I am not that same person anymore. I’m a totally different person. I am not the same person who did that shit anymore. I’m out of my own will now…” My response is, really? What is different today? That same person went on to say “…My number one goal in life today is to stay sober…” Oh, okay. So, because of this new goal you have for your life to stay sober, you get to be exempted from the wreckage of the past that brought your ass In These Rooms in the first goddamn place? Give me a fucking break.

I had this guy the other day talking about how good his life was going and his business was doing. He said he enjoyed this success because the good work he was doing hiring people from this program. I inquired about the details and listened as he outlined what amounted to a roofing scam. This guy is one of the same people In These Rooms who talks about “…stuff and money doesn’t make you happy…” when in fact he is one of the same MF’s who is in the front of the line chasing material shit. Give me a fucking break.

I can’t make the claim I’m not the MF that did all the wrong shit and wreckage in my past. But I can say and do believe I am in a better place for being In These Rooms and working this program. I sit here and pen these words. There is nothing I am ashamed of from my past any longer because today I believe everything that has happened to me or I have done is of value for the work in this moment God is calling me to today. I don’t have to make wild ass and ridiculous claims about not being that person anymore because I remember in the words of Psalm 139:14” … I have been fearfully and wonderfully made…” When I remember Psalm 8:4-5, I smile as I read the words “…what is man that thou are mindful of us? Or, human beings that you care for us? You created us a little lower than the angels and crowned us with glory and honor…”  Keeping it one hundred, I feel this way today because I’ve not only found a purpose for the wreckage of my past. I have also found a way to monetize that shit (smile). Like I said, keeping it one hundred.

“Can we have and possibly share gratitude in the midst of life’s storms?”

Lucy from In These Rooms

“…This is hard to accept. I want to fix things and people. When trouble comes, I used to want to fix or blame somebody… 

Yalie

“…Struggle is like breathing. It’s a natural part of what it means to be human and more importantly alive…”

the Professor

“…Conflict and adversity, this is life, this is Story. This is learning to be the heroic people God created us to be. Struggle serves to remind us we are and who we choose to become…” 

Hunter

Promise 1 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness…” Being grateful only when you can enumerate all the good shit in your life you have to say grace over, that ain’t Promise 1. That ain’t a new freedom. That ain’t a new happiness. Who couldn’t or wouldn’t do that shit? 

“…Sweet are the uses of adversity, which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head; and this our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything…”

William Shakespeare

I have found this New Freedom, this New Happiness to be in those very moments when the worst of times are the best of times. Can we have and possibly share gratitude amid storms? I have found the capacity to do this in focusing on and being committed to gratitude and greatness found in my “in spite of” dreams. I’ve found this capacity to be greatest when I stopped being concerned about and focusing on miracles and rewards. This is Promise 1. This is my story and I am sticking the fuck to it. This is Living WHY.

Read more about Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #LivingWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….

Tiffanie is a 35-year-old transgender addict and alcoholic. She is divorced with two young children ages 8 and 6. She used to want to kill herself and tried to commit suicide twice. She received her 3rd DWI in the last 5 years 24 months ago and has been working the steps of the program and been In These Rooms since her last arrest. She says she has remained drug and alcohol free during this period. As a result of working this program, she now feels she has much to live for. In her In These Rooms share, Tiffanie stated “…tomorrow isn’t promised. Sometimes we need to live like we’re dying. Dreams do come true but for how long? I need to share my story while I have time.”

Promise 9 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others”. I describe Promise 9 as a Cosmic Return on Investment. I call understanding the value of the power found in our pain a Cosmic Return on Investment in our shit.

“…On this journey called life, I have come to understand the greatest symbol on earth of love, truth, power and freedom is greatly misunderstood. The Cross is not a detour to the Kingdom. The Cross is not something gone wrong. The Cross is the Kingdom Come. It has taken hardship, pain and tragedy, personal and corporate, for me to understand and internalize this important and powerful lesson…” 

the Professor

“…I played the fool a time or two. I’ve had people get the best of me. I don’t make a habit of that shit but it’s happened. I pity the fool who tries to fuckin take me off today. I disregarded the shit that’s been revealed to me about judgin’ a mark. Got me every time It’s said ‘…If you walk in a room and don’t spot the mark, it’s cause it’s you…’ Learned my fuckin lesson. Ain’t rollin that way any fuckin more. Take that shit to the bank…” 

Esteban

“…I’m not a big believer in the ‘no pain no gain’ mindset. I don’t ascribe to that paradox. But I get this storytelling fact. If there is no conflict, there is no story. If there is no antagonist, there is no protagonist. If there is no crisis, challenge or controversy, there is no heroic tale to be told. No, I’m not down with ‘no pain no gain’ but I do roll with ‘there is power to be found in the tales of our wreckage’…” 

Hunter

I’m at the gas station the other day and was pumping my gas. I went to step over the hose from the pump to my car. I fell. Lying on the ground in the pain of at least two badly bruised wrists, I kept saying “…Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus…” I contemplated all the other terrible things that just could have happened to me. Thank you Jesus for showing me the power of pain found in gratitude. I am blessed. I have unique messages for Sharing WHY. I am blessed with having found the power in pain.

“…Sweet are the uses of adversity, which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head; and this our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything…“

William Shakespeare

I was sitting in this meeting feeling slightly envious because this guy was carrying on about his business and life success. Then I said “…wait a minute. Why am I at all envious? I am one on the most blessed people I know…” 

I remembered how blessed it felt sitting there on the ground, in pain but knowing this shit could have been so much worse. I could have face planted. I could have fallen and had brain damage as a result. This is a fall that could have crippled my black ass. I feel extremely fortunate I’m still here with just two sprained wrists but not a scratch on me. Yep. I am the most blessed person I know even with the pain. Like Tiffanie, I know and want to be about Sharing WHY of the power I found in pain thru gratitude with the world.

Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #SharingWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….

Tiffanie is a 35-year-old transgender addict and alcoholic. She is divorced with two young children ages 8 and 6. She used to want to kill herself and tried to commit suicide twice. She received her 3rd DWI in the last 5 years 24 months ago and has been working the steps of the program and been In These Rooms since her last arrest. She says she has remained drug and alcohol free during this period. As a result of working this program, she now feels she has much to live for. In her In These Rooms share, Tiffanie stated “…tomorrow isn’t promised. Sometimes we need to live like we’re dying. Dreams do come true but for how long? I need to share my story while I have time.”

Step 12 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and the world and to practice these principles in all our affairs…”

I was in church yesterday, Mother’s Day. I sat listening to the Pastor wax poetic about the virtues of mothers. He described mothers as everything from the salt of the earth to being the best and most noble followers of Christ. He said he knew the world would go to hell without mothers. Breaking News: there wouldn’t be a world to go to hell in the first damn place without out mothers. Hello. But I digress. As I listened to this message, the Comedian Bernie Mac came to mind. Bernie Mac’s mother was a survivor of domestic abuse. When he was 8 years old, he came home one day and found her beaten, bloody and crying on their living room sofa. Mac sat down and tried to console her. As he sat there wiping away her tears and wiping off the blood, Mac said the comedian Red Skelton came on the television. As his mother sat there bloody and crying but watching Red Skelton, she began laughing. Mac said he knew in that moment what he wanted to be and do with his life. “…Anything that has that power to affect and change somebody, I wanted that power. I wanted to be and do that…” Mac went on to become one of the greatest comedians of his generation. It occurs to me it wasn’t necessarily his mother’s virtues that provided Mac with the inspiration to be and become a comedic genius. It was the power he found in her pain. That comedic genius Mac used to bring laughter and joy to millions and make him one the most successful and richest comedians of his generation was his sharing with the world the power he found in his mother’s pain. How we take for granted the power in our pain when it comes to Sharing WHY.

“…I was outwardly rich and alive with the material things of this world. I was inwardly poor and as dead as a doorknob…“

Sean Anderson

“…I was sure I would take to my grave being the survivor of molestation. This was shame and embarrassment greater than anything I had ever experienced…” 

Yalie

“…I lived for years with seeing myself thru lens of how the world and others saw me. I thought I would always be and become how others saw me and what others said about me…”

X

Promise 9 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others”. I describe Promise 9 as a Cosmic Return on Investment. I call understanding the value of the power found in our pain a Cosmic Return on Investment in our shit.

As my sponsor Dr. JJ is known to say, More to Come…

Read more about Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #SharingWHYMatters 

Dawn is 28-year-old married lesbian massage therapist. Her father had 42 years In These Rooms. Dawn has been coming In These Rooms since she was 16 years old. She got drunk after her first night drinking. She crashed the family car and received her first DUI that first night. Dawn has come in and out of these rooms 5 times since first walking thru the doors. She received her last DUI 9 months ago after a blackout drunken binge in which she totaled the car she was driving. In her In These Rooms share she stated, “…I think If I had to pay for this program, I would have taken it more seriously…My sponsor said “…what we’re dealing with here is a mental lack of power…” My brain tricked me into thinking I had been homeless when I hadn’t…my head is like a group conscious meeting. If you’ve ever been to a Big Book Group Conscious Meeting, nobody agrees on shit…I need to know what I need to do for God to make me and my life better.” What you might need Dawn is a therapist and a Living WHY.

“…The person who hasn’t found something, some great joy, some great purpose, worth dying for isn’t fit to live; they aren’t living. They are existing…”

MLK, Jr.

I was In These Rooms for a different meeting. This guy was sharing about his friend who was a Nascar driver. He had it all: homes, cars, family, beautiful wife and beautiful life. I said “had” cause he’s gone. He didn’t die on the racetrack. He was uncontrollable alcoholic. They found him in the garage of that beautiful home of his with a single gunshot wound to his head from a 38-Revolver. The medical examiner ruled his cause of death as suicide. I would argue, Dawn, his cause of death was the absence of Living WHY.

I get your question Dawn. I too used to ask myself “…What do I need to do to make my life and myself better?” My head also had many answers.

“…I was raised to believe I needed material things to be somebody. Having and more having, this was my WHY…”

Sean Anderson

“…I believed and trusted more in my relationships with people than with my Higher Power. I believed and trusted more in what people could do for me than in who and what God wants for me and has for me. I had no WHY…”

Yalie

“…I knew deep within I needed academic success to be somebody. Most of my life, academic achievement has been my WHY…”

the Professor

Step 11 of the Big Book In These Rooms says “…sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out…”

Living WHY is finding that joy and purpose King spoke about in that quote above. I have breaking news—nobody is getting out alive. Unlike Fr. Esteban, Father Time is undefeated. The question, Dawn, is not if we’re going to die. The question is the WHY? I don’t mean what is the cause of our death. I‘m talking about Living WHY as the meaning, value and import of our living. Stated simply, WHY the fuck are we here taking up space on this planet?

“…Be and Become—I’m not what I fuckin use to be. I’m not what I’m fuckin gonna be. But one fuckin day at a time I’m livin my purpose to become what my God would have me become no matter who the fuck doesn’t like it…”

Fr. Esteban

“…Purpose- I have meaning and value in living today I never thought I would know. Music and its power to move and transform people is my WHY. I know it’s WHY I’m here. I know it’s WHY I’m living…”

X

“…Hunter—Story—I am a story that will never be again. I’m enjoying living and loving its unfolding. Living this story and telling this story, this is my WHY…”

Hunter

I decided for Ramadan to do 30 days of fasting from sunup to sundown. I’m not sure what I hoped to accomplish when I made this decision. I just knew at that moment it was the right thing to do. It has been one of the best decisions of my life. It helped me understand living is in my head. I haven’t been living life in mind, body and spirit. I haven’t been loving life in mind, body and spirit. This ain’t Living WHY.

Promise 9 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change…” as a result of working this program. Living WHY is living and loving in mind, body and spirit who I am and WHY my Higher Power put me on this earth and keeps me here. Living WHY is living and loving that I am here to make a difference and can be all God has created me to be. Living WHY is living and loving in mind, body and spirit that I am experiencing a new happiness and joy I can and should share with the world. Living WHY is living and loving that I don’t any longer have to regret the past nor be controlled by feelings of self-pity or uselessness. Living WHY is living and loving with every fiber of my being that I have a story to tell and experiences to share that can benefit others. Living WHY is living and loving that fear of people, places and things ain’t the fucking the heroes of my story. Living WHY is living and loving that I intuitively know how handle the shit that use to baffle me and ran riot in my life. Living WHY is living and loving in mind, body and spirit that I am free to be the blessing to others I want to experience for myself and yes be all God has created me to be and become. Living WHY is living and loving that I am and can do all this because I know deep in my heart, mind and soul God is doing for me every day what I can’t fucking do for myself. This is Living WHY Dawn. You said you want to know what you need to do for God to make you and your life better? Ask God for the gift of Living WHY to make you and your life better. He’ll do it for you as he has for so many others. He’s waiting on you and so is your Living WHY.

Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #LivingWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….

“…I found myself wanting something about the following: 1) how we can change the WHY that influenced us to make bad decisions; 2) So we need to identify that WHY and then we need to replace it with a new WHY; and 3) How do we accomplish that transformation?”

Lucy from In These Rooms

In this blog, I continue to use the Steps from the Big Book In These Rooms to address Lucy’s questions and concerns above. This blog is about what occurs to me as Knowing WHY. As a famous radio broadcaster use to say, “…you heard the news, now here’s the rest of the story…”

Step 7

Humbly asked this Higher Power to remove our shortcomings

I am still here by His Grace and Mercy. I understand that means there are things I need to do and can do better. I ask my High Power to show me how my journey and my story can serve Him and others. I ask my Higher Power to show me WHY.

Step 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

My Knowing WHY process begins with making amends to the person most deeply hurt by my shit and my failure to grasp before now the power of WHY in my life and story. That would be the man in the mirror. I owe and amends to myself for failing to be and become in my shit all my Higher Power has called me to be. I owe this amends for not knowing, believing and trusting in my WHY. That is the WHY of my Higher Power. This is where I have gone astray. 

Step 9

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

This is more of telling the authentic lived truth, trusting in God and radical vulnerability that is essential to cleaning house. This work is crucial to my Knowing WHY. 

Step 10

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

This work is essential to my Knowing WHY as sharing my experience, strength and hope. I like to say, if we want to know our purpose in life, know our WHY, we don’t have to look in further than our shit and the tales of the wreckage of our past. As I admit and work on cleaning up my shit, my Knowing WHY gets clearer and clearer. 

Step 11

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out

In working this step, the lens on knowing a New WHY starts coming into view and gets clearer and clearer. 

Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and the world and to practice these principles in all our affairs

This step helps me further accomplish the transformation Lucy inquired about. This doesn’t happen without trusting God and helping others. My Knowing WHY looks to me like moving from amends to advocacy on behalf of the least of God’s Children. Knowing WHY now looks like helping the least of these move from a life of character defects, faults and liabilities to embracing the assets and flipped stories of the gift of our faults and becoming more fully human and beautiful.

Thank you again Lucy for your questions and concerns. Your feedback has afforded me the opportunity to share on Knowing WHY.Read more about Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #KnowingWHYMatters

“…I found myself wanting something about the following: 1) how we can change the WHY that influenced us to make bad decisions; 2) So we need to identify that WHY and then we need to replace it with a new WHY; and 3) How do we accomplish that transformation?”

Lucy from In These Rooms

In this blog, I use the Steps from the Big Book In These Rooms to address Lucy’s questions and concerns above. This blog is about what occurs to me as Knowing WHY:

Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable

Felt and internalized powerlessness was and is the source of all my so-called “…bad decisions….” This requires honesty. This was the beginning of sharing my authentic lived truth.

Step 2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

When I came In These Rooms with my ass falling off, I was open and wanted something better for my life. I knew God had more and wanted more for me. This is openness. This required me to deepen my trust in God

Step 3

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power as we understood this Power

I decided to take the action necessary to have my life move in a new and different direction. This is willingness. This required and requires me to get comfortable being radically vulnerable.

Step 4

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

This required getting real about my shit. This required owning my past, the good, the bad and the real ugly. This required full disclosure to find the root causes, the WHYs, of prior “…bad decisions…”

Step 5

Admitted to a Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Somewhere over in scripture I read we need to confess with our mouth and believe in our heart to be transformed. There’s power in WHY. There’s power in our pain. This is the power of confession.

Step 6

Were entirely ready to have a Higher Power remove all these defects of character

I desire to be righteous. I desire to remain righteous. In Knowing WHY, I have come to understand righteous is not about indignation nor moral supremacy. In Knowing WHY, I have found righteous to be right-standing with my Higher Power. Defects of character ain’t my shit. Knowing better to do better is at the core of righteous and right-standing with my Higher Power This is at the core of Knowing WHY.

Thank you Lucy for your questions and concerns. Your feedback afforded me the opportunity to share on Knowing WHY.

As my sponsor Dr. JJ is known to say, More to Come…

Read more about Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #KnowingWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….

Beth is a 38-year-old meth addict and alcoholic. She is also a divorced mother with two children who are currently in the custody of Child Protective Services (CPS). Two years ago, she received 3 DUI charges in 18 months. The last time she was arrested her BAC was 1.2 and her two girls were in the car with her. They were taken from her on the spot and she currently has only supervised visitation privileges. Beth has been sober since her last arrest and working the steps of the program. She is serving 5 years’ probation after being under 2 years of house arrest. In Beth’s In These Rooms share, she said “…I don’t want to go back to crazy. I don’t want to go back out…” 

We will go back to crazy; we will go back out, Beth, without Remembering WHY not just remembering what of the past. We have been taught how to remember what. We remember what and are haunted by memories of the what’s of our past. We are conditioned to know how to remember what happened but we are not so good at Remembering WHY. Remembering WHY is looking back to look and move forward. Remembering WHY is the search for the empowering values that move us forward and move our world forward.

Step 2 in the Big Book In These Rooms states “…came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity…”

Beth, I spent years with my head in the sand and in a fog about the past. I spent years in denial about the past. I spent years running from the past and refusing to deal with my past shit.

“…I spent years denying or ignoring I had been sexually molested…” 

Yalie

“…I spent years thinking and blaming white people, the man, for my problems and the problems of the world…”

X

“…I spent years denying and running from the fact that I felt low self-esteem…” 

the Professor

But all this is remembering what Beth. Promise 5 of the Big Book In These Rooms says “…no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit other…” I said Remembering WHY can be empowering and even transformational. Remembering WHY affords us the opportunity to get in touch with how the past has occurred to us, what we are going to do about it in the present and the meaning and message of our shit from the past for the future. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we did in the past and WHY. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we’re about in this moment but also WHY right now. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we’re going to do in the future, no matter what, and understand WHY. 

“…I remember that I haven’t been thru shit to let people ever fuck over me again. That shit ain’t happenin…” 

Fr. Esteban

“…I remember what life was like when things had me. I don’t ever want to go back there again…” 

Sean Anderson

“…I remember what life was like before I came In These Rooms. I had no purpose. I now know and have purpose. I ain’t going back there, no way no how…” 

Hunter

Promise 9 “…our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change…”

There is another important element to Remembering WHY Beth. We all have a life to live but we also have a story to tell. I heard it said “…transformation ain’t a spectator sport…” We all have been thru shit in life that if rightly remembered and shared can open opportunities to a world in need of concrete examples of hope and possibility despite the darkness. My recovery sponsor Dr. JJ refers to these as our “…Flipped Stories…” Flipped Stories are the stories where liabilities are turned into assets. This is when things of the past occur to us differently. This shit doesn’t go down without our Remembering WHY. 

Shit happened to you Beth and you did shit. Some of that shit might have been crazy. Some of that shit could have caused you to go back out and still could cause you to go back out. People, places and things are the shit of life. I have done shit. I can continue to dwell on and remember shit that way or I can change the narrative and the story. Changing the narrative, this can’t and doesn’t change any of the facts of the past Beth. But, this can change how we remember what crazy was all about. This can be the difference between moving forward or, as you say “…going back out…” I’m no longer avoiding or denying the past shit in my own life because in Remembering WHY I’m constantly reminding myself I went through this to be of some benefit to others and make a difference. This is the changing of the narrative. This is the change of my Remembered WHY. Remembering WHY, this is the power of our lives and our stories to be the difference and even change we want to see in this world Beth.

I was recently having a conversation with an associate who owns his own business. He is a franchise operator. It took him 9 years of work with the parent franchise company to be awarded his own franchise. This past weekend a man walked into his business and offered him $2 million dollars to go into business with him. He said they would split the proceeds. He told the man his story. He came from the community where the business is located. He is an example in the community of what hard work, never quitting and never being defeated can mean for young people who see him as an example in that community. He told this man the business is more than a business. This business is a needed symbol of hope in this community. “…So, what you’re offering me, that ain’t happening…”

Beth, this is the power of Remembering WHY.

Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #RememberingWHYMatters 

The Struggle Continues….