Bret is a 44-year-old Asian surgeon. He‘s twice divorced and has no custodial rights to visit with his children. He has a court hearing in a week after receiving his 3rd DWI. He says he likes to drink to get black-out drunk, especially when coming from Gentlemen’s Clubs. He sees himself and his ex-wife as good friends when he isn’t drinking. Bret said In These Rooms “…If you don’t learn to laugh at yourself, you’re gonna miss the biggest joke that ever crawled into these rooms. When I came in here, I had the gift of desperation…”
It’s not often that desperation is described as a gift, Bret. I don’t think one gets this perspective or receives this gift without making some moves towards transformation. One doesn’t see the beauty of or in the collateral damage of life without more than a superficial understanding of how life can and often does deceive us.
Step 1 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable…”
“…I used to have this rage and hatred in me that was at times uncontrollable. These feelings cost me friends and relationships in the past. I hated the way I felt or was made to feel because of the color of my skin…”
X
“…I needed humor to make sense of and peace with my past. I need to find laughter to keep from crying. I have found a Higher Power that has a sense of humor that is contagious when we cease taking ourselves so damn seriously…”
Yalie
“…Money had me. I was desperate to be free of being in bondage to material things. I thought I was living and defined life and my success by the stuff I could accumulate. Though I had plenty of money and material blessings, yet my life had become unmanageable…”
Sean Anderson
Ironically, I found the Gift of Desperation in my desperation. What a conundrum. There was no Gift of Desperation for me until l was able enhance my capacity to love and be loved by making peace with my past thru purpose. I needed the past to happen just as it had. I could not be me without the past. I would not have the story I have to tell nor the walk I am able to walk without the shit of my past. My purpose in life is found in the unfolding story of my Gift of Desperation. Today, I see in my past desperation this awesome Gift. And some people don’t believe God has a sense of humor.
“…Always, I mean always being about the money. That’s a fucking gift. If it can’t be monetized, the shit ain’t a gift. That shit is somebody’s damn illusion but not fucking mine…”
Fr. Esteban
“…The gift of being driven and desperate to achieve academically motivated me to make more of myself than circumstances circumscribed. Desperation helped me to run thru the walls of victimization. The gift of desperation got me out of just being who I was to become who I wanted to be. More importantly, the Gift of Desperation has helped me become the man, the intellectual and the human being God wants me to become…”
The Professor
“…My passion to find heroic and transformational stories is the fruit of the gift of desperation. This desperation has given me the strength to find meaning and even see light in the most fucked up situations and stories. The is the Gift. It’s the transformational meaning and value in the Tales of the Wreckage of our past and our lives. It’s in there. It’s in the Gift of Desperation…”
Hunter
With the Gift of Desperation, we can walk a new path and chart a new course, Bret. Because of the Gift of Desperation, I see myself today walking in the promises of God and living happy, joyous and free. Because of the Gift of Desperation, I believe what is often impossible with man is the nature of things in and possible with God. Because of the Gift of Desperation, I can tackle things I use to avoid like the plague and I no longer allow people, places and things to control me or run riot in my life. Because of the Gift of Desperation, I have experienced a freedom to be me I never knew and a joy I thought was only for others. Because of the Gift of Desperation, I feel right on the inside. Today, I love me and I’m learning to love others. I believe God loves me. I believe he’s teaching me how to love me more and more. Today, I believe He can use me for His good in spite of where I’ve been, who I’ve been and whatever I have done.
It’s said In These Rooms, “one day at a time.” Tomorrow, Bret, it may be time to burn some shit down. I was buying car once with my cousin. This was at a time when my heart was in a hard and dark place. I was filled with hatred, anger, evil and malice. I said to my cousin as we left that dealership “…Believe me when I say that motherfucker that just tried to rip me off is a dead man…” I might be in a different place tomorrow, Bret. I might fucking be comfortable being right back there. One day at a time, Bret. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I might not be able to wish some shit of that day away. Today, Bret, I’m good. Tomorrow it might be time to get ready to rumble. Today Bret, I’m thankful I have a Gift of Desperation….
Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #GiftofDesperationMatters
The Struggle Continues….
