Karen is a 30-year-old Black single mother of two boys ages 8 and 10 years old. She says she has been on her own since her oldest son was born. She owns several small businesses but struggles with what she calls “…keeping up with the Joneses…” and drinking to the point of blacking out and driving under the influence. Karen hasn’t received a DWI in several years but says she knows she is still an alcoholic. In Karen’s share In These Rooms, she said “…I know this program can work but it hasn’t worked for me. This is just my story…”
We all have a life to live and a story to tell. We all have a past. We all have done shit we are less than proud or would like to forget. We all have or had shit happen to us that has caused us hurt and pain. We are all up to some shit. I had this conversation with this Cat who is a former gangster. He asked me how many people I thought were some type of gangster or criminal? I said 100%. I believe we are all going thru some shit and all up to some shit.
“…My struggles with material concerns and desires consumed me, Maan. I thought I had money and stuff but they had me. I still struggle with demons of the past and regrets for the years I spent investing time and energy in existence instead of living…”
Sean Anderson
“…It’s said we ought to forgive and forget. I was having none of it. I have been obsessed with the things done to me and the things I have been thru. There were people I hated. I mostly hated myself. I hated my life and my story…”
Yalie
“…I’m no longer what I did. I’m no longer what was done to me. I am what I chose to become. I am a beautiful child struggling to become all I can become. I hope tomorrow I will be more than I was yesterday and even today…”
X
Shit happens for all of us Karen. We have all done shit. We all have had shit done to us. This doesn’t have to be end of the story. Life doesn’t have to be Just My Story.
Step 11 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out…”
“…I’m done payin for the shit from the past. The cost of dwellin on the past and allowin that shit to define the present or control the future is too fuckin great. I paid for that shit for years but not fuckin today. Ain’t no stoppin my black ass now…”
Fr. Estaban
“…Authentic storytelling or transformation for me was not about people, places and things. Transformation began for me when I started bringing the sunlight of the spirit to my story. If it doesn’t change anything outside of me, the sunlight of the spirit of truth and trust in tomorrow changed my attitude…”
Hunter
“…I know the power of transformation is in the power I possess to step out of the story I used to tell. I have a different story I can tell today that is not solely based on the past. This story is not limited to the present. I call this story the future…”
the Professor
Karen, I was taking a picture on my iPhone the other day. I noticed I can change the magnification to enlarge or shrink the picture I’m taking. It occurred to me this is also true in life. For example, how things occur to us can be enlarged or shrunken based on the lens thru which we view them or the magnification we ascribe to them. Our lives and our stories can be viewed thru the smaller lens of Just My Story or we can view them thru the larger lens of God’s Story and our little chapter. The magnification of and on life doesn’t have to be about Just My Story. The magnification can be enlarged so I can see maybe a glimpse of what God is up to in my life or my true north.
I struggle in life when I struggle with this magnification shit. I struggle because I struggle with knowing and more importantly doing God’s Will. I have hope because I know God and I know how to trust God. But I still struggle with knowing and doing His will. While I’m speaking of will, let me own that the relevant question for me today, Karen, is what the fuck will I do tomorrow or the next day to keep alive this hope I have? Will I keep hope alive by remembering to adjust the magnification or will I continue to see life thru the lens of Just My Story?
Back to that conversation with the former Gangster. He didn’t like me saying it but I don’t give a damn,
“…We are all fallen, flawed and fallible. We all have our demons. We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Most of us sit down to shit and we all have gangster proclivities. No one is better than anyone else for everybody has some shit going on and the ground is level at the foot of the cross. We are all trying to get home the best fucking way we know how…”
Hunter
The fact of the matter, Karen, is Just My Story is just a glimpse of a Larger Story of God’s love and care for all His children. Just My Story is my story of getting my black ass back to Him. There are times when I have this tall, big wall of a cold black heart towards the things in life that are of greatest import and value. I want to control everything and everybody in Just My Story down to who even gets to hurt me. But despite my protestations in life to the contrary, me and Just My Story ain’t in charge of shit. Just My Story ain’t the be-all or the end-all of shit. I heard it said In These Rooms“…If you don’t learn to laugh at yourself, you’re gonna miss the biggest joke that ever crawled into these rooms…” There’s a joke in here Karen. That joke is Just My Story and the author of life’s Larger Story is laughing at it all the time. That’s Just My Story but I’m sticking to it….
Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #JustMyStoryMatters
The Struggle Continues….
