Beth is a white 32-year-old mother of three boys. She is twice divorced and her children have two different fathers. She is a baker and a computer coder. Two weeks ago, Beth received her 3rd DWI in the last 24 months. Her children are in the care of Child Protective Services (CPS). She is looking at 3-5 on her last DWI case. She was driving during what she called “black out drunk” and hit a pedestrian in the cross walk. She smashed her car into another vehicle carrying a mother and her infant child. The child has a broken arm and a punctured lung. The mother will require back surgery. Beth said In These Rooms “…I’m learning this program isn’t teaching me not to drink to live. This program is teaching me to live without drinking…”
Living is about identifying and changing the roles and scripts that get in the way of our playing our characters to the best of our ability. I heard it said the person who has not found something in life so important and meaningful they are willing to die for it if necessary, they aren’t living. They are merely existing. Beth, I think Living can be reduced to a basic but important question: how free do you want to be?
Step 11 of the Big Book In These Rooms states “…sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Higher Power as we understood this Power, praying only for knowledge of the Power’s Will for us and the power to carry that out…”
“…I know existing and I know living. I don’t want to ever go back to just existing. Existing is living so far below my means and who I am. I had things but never felt I measured up. Existing was never becoming who I really am nor what my Higher Power wanted me to be and become. This is existing and it’s below my means…”
Sean Anderson
“…Existence is life on other people’s terms and according to the dictates of others. Existence is being pushed down and hard pressed by people, places and things. Existence is feeling crushed and forsaken by life. I know what it means to just exist…”
X
“…Mere existence is listenin’ to and learnin’ from fools. Show me your damn bank statement and your calendar and I tell you if your ass is livin’ or existin’. I can also tell from them if your ass is a fool or not. Fuck existin’. My black ass is about livin’ large and in charge…”
Fr. Esteban
We stop just existing and start living when we find meaning and purpose in the shit we have been thru or are going thru. We stop just existing and start living when stop regretting the past and allowing it to define and determine the present. I thought I was living for years. I learned In These Rooms I was merely as sick as my secrets and just thought I had it going on.
“…I have something today I never dreamed I would have. I have a joy and hope about people, life and living. I live by turning my life over to God and trusting in God to use my life, my living and even my story to help others and make of this world a better place. I live by seeking his will and the power to carry it out. I live by learning to trust. I am learning to trust God more and more and share my authentic lived truth, believing He can make of it good for His purposes. I am alive thru my willingness to be radically vulnerable about my life and living. This is living for me…”
the Professor
“…I am an unfolding story. I am a unique person in the story of time that will never be told again. It’s said we either get busy living or we get busy dying. Today, I am living. I choose to be and make the difference I want to see in this world. I remember when life was dark and I was in dark places. I remember when I wanted to burn down most of the shit in my life. Today, I have keys to life and living that are empowering and transformational. Today, I have a life and, even thru the valleys, I am Living…”
Hunter
“…Living is finding the courage to laugh when I want to cry and the strength to find joy and happiness when others can only see hardship and sacrifice. Living is humor and laughter for me. Humor and laughter are life turned inside out. This is living, life and all its shit turned inside out. The joy, the happiness I find somedays. More than others of course. They are the muscles I have developed from learning thru trusting in My Higher Power that no matter how difficult or dark shit in life can get I can turn it inside out. Living to me is taking the action to change the things I don’t like. If I can’t change them, then I change my attitude. This is humor, comedy and laughter. This is Living…”
Yalie
I believe Living Beth, that is heroic Living, is embracing the ever-evolving role of being the protagonists of our stories. I see a better world for all humankind and want to do my part to help build it Right Now. I want to help people live not just their stories but their part in God’s Story Right Now. I believe it’s my responsibility to move self to move the world Right Now. This is being the protagonist of my story Right Now.
In the future, being the protagonist of my story might look a hell of a lot different than it does in this present moment. In the future, being the protagonist of my story might look like kicking ass, taking names and burning shit down. Truth of the matter is we are all a cast of characters, Beth, and mine can change on your ass in a damn New York Minute. In the future, being the protagonist of my story might take me to dark places and the story I be telling and, more importantly, Living might be a real shit show. But, in this moment, right now, there are three things I can do and have a fucking modicum of control over. I can trust God. I can clean up my side of the street and I can choose to help others.
The future ain’t promised Beth. The present is all we get to make the world know why the fuck we were here. I’m rolling with the present as my moment of opportunity to be the difference I want to see in this world. In this moment, I have all I need for the man in the mirror to be used by God to save the life of one of his children. This little girl was walking along the seashore. She was throwing beached starfish back in the water. A man noticed what she was doing and commented “…You‘re one person. You can’t possibly make a difference given all these starfish…” She replied as she threw another starfish back in the water, “…I made a difference to that one didn’t I?” You want to really start Living Beth? Go home tonight and write your obituary and start Living that shit. I’m rolling with the present as my moment to be that little girl and a whole lot more. I’m rolling with that little girl’s attitude as a Living attitude. I see in that man’s attitude the “I can’t” attitude, the “I don’t care and the it ain’t my problem” attitude. I see in him just existing. This is my take on Living Beth. I’m about Living it.
Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #LivingMatters
The Struggle Continues….
