Beth is a 38-year-old meth addict and alcoholic. She is also a divorced mother with two children who are currently in the custody of Child Protective Services (CPS). Two years ago, she received 3 DUI charges in 18 months. The last time she was arrested her BAC was 1.2 and her two girls were in the car with her. They were taken from her on the spot and she currently has only supervised visitation privileges. Beth has been sober since her last arrest and working the steps of the program. She is serving 5 years’ probation after being under 2 years of house arrest. In Beth’s In These Rooms share, she said “…I don’t want to go back to crazy. I don’t want to go back out…”
We will go back to crazy; we will go back out, Beth, without Remembering WHY not just remembering what of the past. We have been taught how to remember what. We remember what and are haunted by memories of the what’s of our past. We are conditioned to know how to remember what happened but we are not so good at Remembering WHY. Remembering WHY is looking back to look and move forward. Remembering WHY is the search for the empowering values that move us forward and move our world forward.
Step 2 in the Big Book In These Rooms states “…came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity…”
Beth, I spent years with my head in the sand and in a fog about the past. I spent years in denial about the past. I spent years running from the past and refusing to deal with my past shit.
“…I spent years denying or ignoring I had been sexually molested…”
Yalie
“…I spent years thinking and blaming white people, the man, for my problems and the problems of the world…”
X
“…I spent years denying and running from the fact that I felt low self-esteem…”
the Professor
But all this is remembering what Beth. Promise 5 of the Big Book In These Rooms says “…no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit other…” I said Remembering WHY can be empowering and even transformational. Remembering WHY affords us the opportunity to get in touch with how the past has occurred to us, what we are going to do about it in the present and the meaning and message of our shit from the past for the future. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we did in the past and WHY. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we’re about in this moment but also WHY right now. Remembering WHY helps us get in touch with what we’re going to do in the future, no matter what, and understand WHY.
“…I remember that I haven’t been thru shit to let people ever fuck over me again. That shit ain’t happenin…”
Fr. Esteban
“…I remember what life was like when things had me. I don’t ever want to go back there again…”
Sean Anderson
“…I remember what life was like before I came In These Rooms. I had no purpose. I now know and have purpose. I ain’t going back there, no way no how…”
Hunter
Promise 9 “…our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change…”
There is another important element to Remembering WHY Beth. We all have a life to live but we also have a story to tell. I heard it said “…transformation ain’t a spectator sport…” We all have been thru shit in life that if rightly remembered and shared can open opportunities to a world in need of concrete examples of hope and possibility despite the darkness. My recovery sponsor Dr. JJ refers to these as our “…Flipped Stories…” Flipped Stories are the stories where liabilities are turned into assets. This is when things of the past occur to us differently. This shit doesn’t go down without our Remembering WHY.
Shit happened to you Beth and you did shit. Some of that shit might have been crazy. Some of that shit could have caused you to go back out and still could cause you to go back out. People, places and things are the shit of life. I have done shit. I can continue to dwell on and remember shit that way or I can change the narrative and the story. Changing the narrative, this can’t and doesn’t change any of the facts of the past Beth. But, this can change how we remember what crazy was all about. This can be the difference between moving forward or, as you say “…going back out…” I’m no longer avoiding or denying the past shit in my own life because in Remembering WHY I’m constantly reminding myself I went through this to be of some benefit to others and make a difference. This is the changing of the narrative. This is the change of my Remembered WHY. Remembering WHY, this is the power of our lives and our stories to be the difference and even change we want to see in this world Beth.
I was recently having a conversation with an associate who owns his own business. He is a franchise operator. It took him 9 years of work with the parent franchise company to be awarded his own franchise. This past weekend a man walked into his business and offered him $2 million dollars to go into business with him. He said they would split the proceeds. He told the man his story. He came from the community where the business is located. He is an example in the community of what hard work, never quitting and never being defeated can mean for young people who see him as an example in that community. He told this man the business is more than a business. This business is a needed symbol of hope in this community. “…So, what you’re offering me, that ain’t happening…”
Beth, this is the power of Remembering WHY.
Read more about X, Yalie, Fr. Esteban, the Professor, Sean Anderson and Hunter and tell your story. Listen to Hunter’s Podcast. All on wreckedamerica.com. In Wrecked America, #RememberingWHYMatters
The Struggle Continues….
